- Tell a Bible story without looking at the page.Don’t you know the kinds of things that can happen when you lose eye contact with the kids?
- Organize a resource room.And keep it locked!
- Ask for money.Who else is going to take up your cause to buy all the stuff you need for children’s ministry?
- Recruit a volunteer.Do you really think they are going to respond to your pleas in the bulletin?
- Tell a joke.Prove you have a light-hearted side.
- Décor a room.Kid-drawn pictures stuck to beige walls do not inspire excitement or support.
- Select curriculum.Dump that denominational stuff and get something really cool.
- Pour Kool Aid in a paper cup without spilling it.It’s not as easy as it sounds.
- Say the books of the Bible in order.Can you afford to be caught standing in front of kids for 10 minutes searching for the Book of Esther?
- Use a fire extinguisher without having to read the instructions. You just never know what can happen in children’s church.
- Screen a worker.Make sure he has never been arrested for anything that starts with a “P”.
- Baptize a kid.Learn to do it without going under yourself.
- Tell when a kid is faking sickness.If you see vomit he’s probably not faking.
- Tell when a kid is not faking the need to go to the bathroom.Look for dancing and squirming.
- Say no.Say it loud and say it often, lest you spread yourself to thin.
- Get rid of a disgruntled worker. Tell him the greeters need someone like him in their ministry.
- Lead a cool game. “Simon Says” does not count.
- Use an object to make a point. If you can’t do an object lesson you need to find another ministry.
- Explain salvation to a kid.Try not to use words like “redemption,” “regeneration,” or “substitutional atonement”.
- Direct a VBS.You should be able to do this even though you probably shouldn’t.
- Use Power Point. If you don’t know this is a computer program for presentations, I don’t know what to say to you.
- Google.You gotta be able to find cool info on the web. For practice, try “Kidz Blitz” and see where that goes.
- Cast a vision.You cannot get people on board if they don’t know where you want to go.
- Pray for sick pets.I’m not sure it works but you have to do it.
- Dispense Goldfish crackers without dumping them on the carpet.Please, do not even pretend this is not a critical skill.
- Read a book a week.That’s right.
- Fix a broken chair. You might have people for this but you should know how to yourself.
- Hold a baby.Yes, men, you should be able to do this without looking horrified.
- Stop a fight.Between kids, not staff members.
- Run a sound system. Just in case your sound tech doesn’t show up. Just in case.
- Remove a stain.This is a skill you will use often.
- Walk down a dark church hallway without slamming into a door. There will be opportunities to use this skill.
- Disinfect toys.Just spray and wipe.
- Operate a large screen TV projector.See #30.
- Buy in bulk.Can you say “Sams”?
- Know what kind of music today’s kids like.I know. I don’t like it either.
- Blow up and tie a large balloon without getting dizzy.You may have to start with small balloons and work up to this.
- Safely drive an old van that bounces. One day you will need this skill.
- Know how to converse intelligently about Hannah Montana.Who is Hannah’s best friend?
- Know how to give a don’t-mess-with-me look to the facilities supervisor. Use this skill periodically just so you don’t lose it.
- Be able to carry an eight-foot table 40 feet without it dragging the ground. No excuses. Just do it.
- Know how to converse with your youth pastor without talking down to him.This one is really hard.
Congratulations,
if you can actually do ALL these things.
