Your Children’s Pastor might be under too much stress if he/she…
- Breathes helium from the tank without even trying to talk funny.
- Mixes two or more flavors of Kool Aid into a paper cup and gulped it down before children’s church.
- Stares at the Senior Pastor through a fork during staff meetings and pretended he’s in jail.
- Spells out the names of the pastors kids in his/her alphabet soup.
- Hangs out on Friday nights at the local Chuck E. Cheese.
- Answers the church phone in a puppet voice.
- Verbally abuses the Bob the Tomato puppet.
- Acts more and more like Mr. Rogers.
- Sings Father Abraham (with the motions) in the shower loudly enough to make the neighbors complain.
- Draws mustaches on Bible flannel graph characters.
- Mutters the books of the Old Testament in his/her sleep.
- Raises his/her hand at Denny’s and asked the waitress for permission to go tinkle.
- Watches Blues Clues and pointed to the screen yelling “there’s one!”.
- Collects free toys from fast food restaurants and displayed them in the living room.
- Watches Disney movies backwards and looked for hidden messages.
- Recently preached in children’s church about the dangers of Y2K.
- Calls the chairman of the church board in the middle of the night and hung up.
- Talks to board members in Pig Latin.
- Performs magic tricks while in line at Sams.
- Skims money off of the children’s church offering to buy Gummy Bears.
- Bursts into the local post office wearing a full-bodied dog costume and blasted everyone with a super soaker.
- Confessed to putting Sesame Street characters names on a visitor information cards.
- Held up a puppet to talk to the server at a drive through window.
- Refers to the wisdom of Larry the Cucumber.
- Been caught more than once photocopying his/her face on the church copier.
- Redesigned the bulletin board at the local grocery store to put more color in it.
- Tried to give the bank security guard the quiet seat prize.
- Been discovered sitting in the corner of his/her office balloon sculpting in the dark.
- Had to be tackled by an usher for trying to rush the platform when the adult worship service went long.
- Forced his/her way into choir practice and held the choir director hostage with blunt scissors demanding that choir members work in the nursery like everyone else.
- Locked himself/herself in the Sunday School supply room and threatened to blow up the puppet stage until the board votes to go back to one Sunday morning service.
STRESS LEVEL SCORING: Number of “Yes” answers mean…
(0-10) more mature than most children’s pastors
(11-20) about normal
(21-30) needs a vacation soon
(over 30) find him/her now!
